Jokes About Old People

80 Is Enough for Marlins

Jack McKeon came out of retirement at 72 in 2003 to manage the Florida Marlins. The move was met with a flurry of “ How old is this guy? ” jokes, followed quickly by a run of epic proportions that ended with the Marlins clinching a wild card berth, marching through the playoffs (with the help of an infamous Cubs fan ), and defeating the Yankees to win the World Series. He became the oldest manager to ever win a World Series. The Marlins are now hoping he can supplant himself from the record books as he replaces Edwin Rodriguez on the bench.

The Marlins announced Monday that McKeon, now 80, is their new manager. He becomes the second-oldest manager in the history of the game (Connie Mack was the oldest at 87). The “How old is this guy?” jokes have already popped up, which is a good sign for anyone who believes history repeats itself. “He once managed Hal McRae and Tony Armas,” Bob Sutton of the Times-News writes. “Both those players had sons reach the major leagues – and retire .” Chris Jaffe of the Hardball Times rattles off a mind-boggling list of events that have happened during McKeon’s lifetime. “Babe Ruth had 565 home runs, and Lou Gehrig had played only 887 games in a row when McKeon was born. There was no Baseball Hall of Fame . Or All-Star Game,” Jaffe writes. “McKeon is older than legalized gambling in Nevada. ‘The Star Spangled Banner’ wasn’t the official national anthem when McKeon was born. The Empire State Building was still under construction.” Tyler Kepner of the New York Times helps to put his age in perspective from a pop culture point of view. “He is older than Wilford Brimley and Casey Kasem and Yoko Ono and Regis Philbin,” Kepner writes. “His first job as a major league manager came in 1973 , before any of his Florida Marlins players were born.” Even retired Braves manager Bobby Cox, 70, joined in the fun. “Nobody’s going to hire me,” Cox told Mark Bradley of the Journal-Constitution. “ I’m too young .”

McKeon wasted no time in showing that things would be done differently under his watch. (And things will get very different when the Marlins travel to Seattle in a few days for “home” games after being displaced by a U2 concert.) His first major move as manager was to bench Hanley Ramirez because he didn’t like the way he was running on Sunday. “That would be the equivalent,” Yahoo’s Kevin Kaduk writes, “to the newbie prison inmate picking a fight with the biggest dude in the yard to earn some respect on his first day.

9 Jokes About Old People

Here are 9 jokes about older people who sound as if they wouldn’t mind a story or two being told about them. Actually they make old age quite attractive

An elderly gentleman…Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, ‘Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.’ will three times!’

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: ‘Slim, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?’ Slim says, ‘I feel just like a newborn baby.’ ‘Really!? Like a newborn baby!?’ ‘Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.’ 

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great… I would recommend it ‘Do you mean a rose?’ ‘Yes, that’s the one,’ replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, ‘Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?’

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. ‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.’

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember… Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. ‘Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?’ he asks. ‘Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?’ ‘Sure..’ ‘Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?’ she asks. ‘No, I can remember it.’ ‘Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?’ He says, ‘I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.’ ‘I’d also like whipped cream. I’m certain you’ll forget that, write it down?’ she asks. Irritated, he says, ‘I don’t need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream – I got it, for goodness sake!’ Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.

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